I've been working on and off on this script, Tabula Rasa, for a couple of years. I am rather proud of it. I think I have made some cool characters and there is some real potential in this idea.
I've delayed trying to do anything with it. Mostly because I don't know how to move forward but I think also because a part of me wanted to play the lead role.
He has a lot of traits that I admire; efficiency, strength, confidence. But when I did a read through playing the character I felt fake. My wife and other feedback was telling me that I wasn't believable. I don't know exactly what the issue is. A part of me does believe that I could, with a tremendous amount of work, overcome whatever the issue is.
But is it worth it? I think at this point it isn't. Yes there is value in improving your weaknesses. But is my forward momentum going to come from improving my acting or will it come from sharing my writing with the world?
I think I will have to accept a less than total victory here. My friend is a good actor. He wasn't the man I envisioned for the role but he will do it justice and he has the confidence to pull this off.
I admire Sylvester Stallone tremendously for writing Rocky and then sticking to his guns to play the role. I can't imagine it was easy to turn down 300k to give the role to Robert Redford. But he had the confidence that he could pull the role off. I don't think there is any circumstance under which I would have made the same choice as Stallone. Maybe that's why I'll never be that level of superstar.
But at the same time I do feel a relief by having committed to not playing the part. There is something liberating about having said "I'm not seeking this". Now I can focus on the other things. Maybe I'll play a smaller role. Maybe I'll just try and focus on learning stuff behind the camera like the editing and storyboards and such. I do think there is value in learning all of the behind the scenes stuff as I am producing.
Regardless this will be a great experience. The fundamental goal of taking an idea in my head and seeing it actualized in a 20-30 minute short film is a huge victory no matter what else happens. I do genuinely believe that there is value in making something and sharing it. The reward for making things is that you get to make more of it but better. That's what I want - to teach and to make things that others can value. If I can do those two things then I will have led a very satisfying life.