I let him use the bumpers for too long. I just wanted him to have fun.

We didn't think too much about it... they were just easier... and our kid didn't cry about the inevitable gutter balls. So everyone could have more fun as we bowled. No big deal right?

We didn't think much about the velcro shoes. They were just easier. And we didn't have to constantly deal with untied shoes. So it was just easier for everyone. No big deal right?

Eventually I realized that he didn't ever get better. He threw the ball as haphazardly at age ten as he did when he was six. The ball would almost always hit 4-5 pins after bumping back and forth until it reached the frame. That was enough.

By eliminating failure, I also removed the natural incentive to improve.

Humans are incredible at figuring out how to constantly reduce the total amount of energy that we need put into getting the things that we want. If we didn't have that capacity and desire we would still be running 4-6 hours a day hunting and gathering our food.

Every technology that makes our life a bit easier comes with a trade off. The map function on my phone has made it nearly impossible for me to figure out how to get anywhere without it. The part of my brain that helps with spatial navigation just isn't exercised because I do not require it to work hard enough to improve.


When we finally took down the bumpers, he could barely hit a single pin for months. Bowling became torture for both of us as I dealt with his temper and he dealt with the consistent reminder that he didn't understand how to improve.

The bumpers didn’t just eliminate gutter balls. They distorted his feedback. Bad shots didn’t feel bad, so there was nothing to adjust to, nothing to learn from. The system quietly protected him.

When that correction disappeared, what showed up wasn’t resilience or grit. It was confusion and anger.

Not “I’m bad at this,” but “I don’t understand why this feels so hard.”

I see this in classrooms all the time. When we remove struggle too early in their lives, students don’t learn how to improve from meaningful feedback. They view the feedback as failure.

In weight lifting your muscles don't grow from the first ten easy reps they grow from the last couple of reps that strain you, that make you sweat. The reps that you can barely do are the most important.

We have deliberately removed that kind of productive struggle from our kids lives.

  • The cursive writing we have eliminated has led to significantly decreased fine motor control.
  • The laptops in class has made it impossible for most students to pay attention in class.
  • The book excerpts instead of reading whole books.

All of these are techniques to reduce the strain of thinking so that they don't have to sweat too much.

It's a fine line for teachers - we want kids to understand what we are teaching them. I see it in my own instincts when I reinterpret their vague answer into something more concrete. In my effort to help them I take away the productive struggle.

Our best help shouldn't be to take the weight off their shoulders but to spot them, so that they can strain and sweat and scream if they need to. But it gets too heavy we can put a couple of fingers on the bar. That little touch reduces the weight just enough for them to finish the rep.

That's how we best help them grow.

My book Sketching for Science: Rediscovering Focus and Curiosity in a Digitally Distracted Age will be published later this month. It explores how simple student drawing and journaling can support understanding without removing the productive struggle that leads to real learning. I’ll share the official link as soon as it’s available.

If you know a teacher or parent who’s thinking about how to encourage productive struggle for their kids, feel free to share this with them.